Unmasking the Social Engineer: The Human Element of Security (2014)

Part II. Decoding the Language of the Body

Chapter 4. The Torso, Legs, and Feet

The language of the body is the key that can unlock the soul.

—Konstantin Stanislavsky

The preceding chapter touched on how the hands can communicate feelings. The hands can be so descriptive and engaging that they can tell a whole story without your ever having to speak. But what about the lower half of the body? Is it as telling? Are key indicators of a person's emotional state buried deep in the torso, legs, and feet?

The legs and feet are a means of transportation. They take us places, help carry heavy loads, and keep our bodies balanced. At the same time, the legs and especially the feet can be a source of sensual pleasure and extreme sensitivity.

The limbic system, which controls our nonverbal behavior, keeps the lower half of our body honest. Because the hands and arms are in front of us, we notice what we are doing, but with the legs and feet, we often don't. This means that leg, foot, and torso movements often can be keys in determining the true emotions of the person you are dealing with. Let me start with the legs and feet and work up.

Legs and Feet

The legs and feet can tell us if someone is feeling happy, sad, nervous, uncomfortable, or even territorial. Learning to pick up on these indicators can help you read your subjects and understand their frame of mind. You may have seen the film Happy Feet, about a dancing penguin. He was happiest when he was dancing.

That is not too far from reality. When someone is happy, he may bounce on the balls of his feet or rock on his heels, or his toes may point up. Robin Dreeke calls these “gravity-defying gestures.” Figure 4-1 shows a gravity-defying toe lift.

Figure 4-1 Gravity-defying gestures like this raised toe indicate happiness.

It is important not to confuse these gravity-defying gestures with being jittery. People might bounce or rock on their feet a lot out of habit or due to discomfort—that would be noteworthy in determining their baseline behavior. How can you determine which it is? Look for sudden changes during the conversation. If someone is bouncing but suddenly stops when asked a question, this can indicate a change in his or her comfort level—in baseline.

In one instance with my son, who has jittery legs, I decided to try to find out the truth about a situation with his friends. I asked him to sit down with me in the living room. As if on cue, his foot started bouncing. I asked him how things were going with his friends. “Good,” he replied. I saw I would have to dig deeper, so after a few mundane questions I asked, “What is the situation between this person and this person?” His foot stopped moving, and he placed it firmly on the floor, pointing toward the door (another indicator I will discuss in a moment). Did this sudden shift mean that my son was about to lie to or deceive me? No. It meant that he went from feeling comfortable to feeling uncomfortable. This in turn meant that whatever was going on with his friends was directly affecting him. I eventually found out that a situation between two guys in his group was affecting his friendships and upsetting him.

What did the foot plant and point mean? Our feet point in the direction we are going. Have you ever tried to walk straight ahead with your feet pointing inward or outward? Our feet and legs point not only in the direction we are heading, but also in the direction we want to head. You can see this often in conversations where one of the parties no longer wants to be there. Before he excuses himself, you can see his feet and legs shift away from the other party or group. Figure 4-2 shows an example of leg direction.

Figure 4-2 Who's interested in whom? Look at the legs to decide.

Not only does the direction of the legs and feet indicate whether the person is staying or going, but it also can show interest or disinterest. Much emphasis is placed on the face, especially when it comes to dating. Often, in a dating scenario, one party might show polite facial expressions, even as his or her legs and feet indicate the actual interest level.

For instance, a man may approach a woman who gives a warm smile, but as he approaches, her legs and feet point away from him, or were never moved to point toward him, indicating that her interest lies elsewhere. As a social engineer, it is important to try to pick up on these cues to determine if you have built enough rapport to keep the target's interest.

Our feet and legs also are used in territorial displays. If you engage with a target and you notice him beginning to widen his stance, this is a good indicator that he might be feeling threatened and might be trying to establish dominance over his territory. The image on the left in Figure 4-3 shows how things may look when the conversation is going well. Notice that Selena's and Ben's legs are close together and their feet are pointed toward each other. If something is said that changes that, or if the person becomes agitated or defensive, you may see what is pictured on the right. Selena's legs have taken a wider, more territorial stance, and her feet are no longer pointing toward Ben in interest.

Figure 4-3 From comfort (left) to discomfort (right)

One final display I want to talk about is leg crossing. The way we cross or do not cross our legs can say much about our feelings of comfort or discomfort. If you remember when I spoke about the hands, I talked about how open gestures indicate trust and warmth, making the target trust you. Legs have similar power in that they can indicate whether we are happy, open, and warm or are putting up barriers due to discomfort.

For instance, a target sitting as shown in Figure 4-4 indicates high confidence. This comfortable, relaxed pose offers no barrier, saying, “I feel good.”

Figure 4-4 “I feel confident in what I am saying.”

On the other hand, crossing our legs while also pointing them even slightly away from the other person can be a way to create some distance—a barrier of sorts. Figure 4-5 shows this type of leg stance. How do you feel looking at this image? Is she open and friendly or closed and cold?

Figure 4-5 Is she friendly or not?

We decide whether we will like or trust someone very quickly, and our nonverbal behavior mirrors those feelings. We cross our legs politely toward people we favor, but we use leg crossing as shown in Figure 4-5 as a barrier for those we do not like.

Our legs and feet hold a wealth of nonverbal communications. As we move up the body, there are even more. The next section discusses the torso and arms.

Torso and Arms

Suppose you are in a packed subway car in which the only spot left is right next to you. In comes a man who looks like he has skipped a few baths. As he gets closer, you can smell that is certainly the case. What do you do? You can't go anywhere. You may at first turn your head, and then you find yourself leaning away. The few centimeters of distance won't affect the odor assaulting your olfactory senses, but you still try to get away. Why?

We tend to lean away from things we do not like and lean into things we do like. Now remove the dirty, smelly man from that scene and replace him with a beautiful person of the opposite sex who has just bathed. Which way are you leaning now?

Subconsciously, the leaning of our torso can tell us who we favor in a group. Grab a picture of yourself and a group of friends. Since you know who is emotionally closer to whom, see if you can notice torso leaning that supports that knowledge.

Take a look at Figure 4-6, and see how clear it is who likes whom.

Figure 4-6 Who does Ben really like?

In Figure 4-6, both women are leaning toward Ben, but Ben is leaning more toward Selena, indicating that is where his interest truly lies.

Even when the target is seated, the torso can tell us what he or she is thinking. Take a look at Figure 4-7, and decide whether Selena is comfortable or wants to leave.

Figure 4-7 Will you stay or will you go?

If you think Selena wants to leave, you are correct. A shift in the torso, maybe toward the front as in Figure 4-7, indicates that Selena wants to leave.

The key with the torso is to watch for the lean. Where and how the target leans can tell you who she likes and who she doesn't, as well as whether she is comfortable versus wanting to leave. These indicators can help you adapt, adjust, and answer appropriately.

Remember, if you see a person leaning toward another, that may indicate interest or comfort, whereas leaning away means discomfort or lack of interest. That simple tell can help a social engineer in a few ways. First, if the person you are dealing with leans away from you, you're coming on too strong.

One engagement I was on, I wanted to get some information from a couple sitting on the couch in a hotel. I approached them full head on, all 6 feet 3 inches of me looming over them and leaning into the man to ask my question. What I saw told me I just blew any chance I had: He leaned so far back that he almost pushed his body through the couch. Obviously his interest was in getting away from me.

Another way is to indicate your interest after rapport. When the person you are talking to starts to express their feelings or thoughts, leaning in slightly gives the impression you are interested and listening to what they are saying. This shows that you trust them and want to hear what they say, and that goes a long way toward building and maintaining rapport.

Think about animals that are about to fight. A gorilla, for instance, may puff out its chest as a way of saying, “I'm big, and you don't want to mess with me.” Doing so also helps the gorilla take in more oxygen to prepare its body for a potential altercation. Humans are no different. When a person is feeling territorial, his or her chest puffs out.

Another clear sign to watch for is heaving of the chest. Heaving or heavy breathing results in taking in more oxygen, which indicates discomfort at some level, whereas a large exhale followed by dropping of the shoulders may indicate sadness or resignation.

What about the arms? Are they simply an extension of the hands and, as such, communicate the same things? The interesting thing about the arms is that they bridge the gap between the torso and hands. They link some of the nonverbal communications from both the torso and the hands.

Take a look at Figures 4-8 and 4-9 and decide which person you would want to approach.

Figure 4-8 This very open display denotes warmth and friendliness.

Figure 4-9 This arm display, mixed with the other body language, says “I am not too open to your ideas.”

In Figure 4-9, it is not difficult to intuit that crossed arms are being used to create a barrier between the woman and someone else. Note, however, that crossed arms don't always indicate a barrier. The person might be cold or might simply be comfortable in a crossed-arm position; other signs must help indicate this emotional level. In Figure 4-9, the torso and leg positions indicate a level of disinterest. Another key indicator is where the arms are crossed. Arms crossed high on the stomach and under the breasts indicates discomfort. This type of arm-cross display is protective, in essence saying, “I am uncomfortable.”

It is important to note that crossed arms alone do not indicate disinterest or discomfort. As with most other body language signs, look for sudden changes to the baseline to help indicate emotional level.

Figure 4-8, on the other hand, shows open ventral displays (described in Chapter 3). The sensitive or front part of the arms is exposed, in essence saying, “I am comfortable with you; I trust you.” If you see the displays shown in Figure 4-8, you can assume you have built rapport.

Besides indicating comfort, ventral displays can indicate confidence. Figure 4-10 shows how ventral displays can be used to claim territory. If not kept in check, this display can seem disrespectful or arrogant.

Figure 4-10 When Ben sits this way, he is claiming his territory, but the open ventrals are disrespectful.

In Figure 4-10, Ben is leaning back in his chair with his legs open—a ventral display. His torso lean and arm position can be taken as a lack of respect and claiming territory that may not be his to claim.

Another arm display that many parents often see is the shrug. When mixed with words, what does a nonverbal like the one shown in Figure 4-11 mean?

Figure 4-11 The all-too-familiar shrug

What is interesting about this particular nonverbal is not just seeing it when someone is saying “I don't know,” but seeing it when the verbals don't match this sign. I'll give an example to illustrate what I mean.

If you watch interviews, talk shows, presidential debates, or other live events, you may see this behavior. You are observing someone making a speech about something they believe in, perhaps as part of a political campaign.

A question or argument is raised that causes a pause of a second or two. As the candidate starts to answer, his head is nodding “yes,” but you see what is shown in Figure 4-11. Even a slight shoulder shrug can indicate that a person is unsure of what they are saying. The head nod says “yes,” but the body language says “I'm not sure.”

Even more powerful to watch for is the single shoulder shrug. Many consider this to be a nonverbal contradiction. As in, I want to say yes, but my brain is saying no or I don't know. The single shrug is often unconscious and something to watch for.

Summary

The torso and arms convey a wealth of information. To summarize, look for the lean in the torso. A lean forward or back, toward you or away can indicate interest or comfort level.

The arms are similar. Look for signs of comfort or discomfort. Do the arms show you that the target is closed off, creating a barrier that might indicate he feels threatened? Or are the arms wide open, indicating rapport building and comfort?

Also look for signs of calm breathing or tense, deep breaths. This can help you see if your target is feeling threatened or even angry rather than calm and collected.

Our goal as social engineers is to create a calm, relaxed environment that puts the target at ease. When you see that the nonverbals match, you know you are on the path to success.

To truly see these signs, you need to focus on one last part of the body: the face, which is the subject of the next chapter.